Expectation vs. Reality

Expectation vs. Reality

B: So self-image…

D: Oh yeah. Do you wanna guide the conversation?

B: What were we talking about before?

D: Yeah what did we say we wanted to talk about?

B: It was how we see ourselves ---

D: Oh yes, yes yes.

B: Compared to how people see us. So you made a logo andddd...

D: Well, our logo.

B: Our logo, yes and the funny part is I didn’t even notice til like weeks later…

D: Oh right.

B: Looking at it because you were just checking to see if liked the logo and if it was really what we wanted and then I finally noticed that your face was super round, way bigger than my face. And I didn’t understand why because in life… your face is not huge.

D: But I still think “are you sure?”

B: Yes and we have to measure our faces for you to believe it’s not. Do we have to throw some math and science in here?

D: Probably.

B: And the best part is you break out this self portrait …

D: That I did of myself, uh huh.

B: Yes and it was a full circle “aha moment” where you’re like “I guess this is what I think of myself because this self portrait”.

D: And now I feel like I kind of understand anorexia or bulimia, you know what I mean?

B: You can understand how that can happen to someone.

D: Yeah because you get this negative self image of yourself and so now I can completely understand how maybe someone can take that to such an extreme.

B: Yeah, so it’s not very sensitive to say “how can they not know that they are sick when they’re like bones -- skin and bones” but here we are doing the same thing.

D: But it’s this image and it’s so creepy crazy cause I still feel like “are you sure? Are you just lying to me? I’m pretty sure my face is very, I don’t know cheek fat and…

B: And I also wonder if this happens to short women especially because I’m like that too. I don’t know maybe because we don’t have that lengthy-ness or that lanky look.

D: Right.

B: So it’s really all about our face.

D: It goes not only to my face but everything -- my body, everything.

B: Yeah.

D: I feel like I have all the time... ALL THE TIME I have an idea of clothes that I want to wear and this idea of what I’m gonna look like and I think, omg I’m gonna be so fly. I’m gonna look so good and then I put it on and it’s a disaster. It’s the complete opposite of what I thought and it’s just it’s so weird how that can switch so quickly from positive to negative because in my head I thought I was gonna look bomb but then I don’t and then in the opposite way in my head when I’m drawing myself I look big but then everyone else says no that’s like way too big.

B: Yeah.

D: So I don’t know.

B: There’s a lot of different aspects to it. And I was saying how with myself, I have the opposite but I still go through the same thing so again that’s the theme of this different aspects of how self image works cause I think I look better than possibly what I actually look like.

D: Well sometimes I feel like I’m having like a really bomb day like maybe my hair just works or I do really like the outfit I’m wearing and inside I feel good but there's this um do you watch Jane the Virgin?

B: Yes, I do!

D: Okay there was just an episode of her…

B: Yessss! I know what you’re talking about!

D: She’s like yeah I got it going on but in reality…

B: Yeah there was a gay couple…

D: Yeah like they were not into her.

B: The mailman guy caught something in his eye and she thought he was winking.

[Laughing]

D: I think that’s what I feel like. On the confident days I probably look the same as I always do but…

B: But that’s crazy!

D: It’s mental. I think it’s all mental.

B: Then again not to make it all about me, but that same concept that I have this great confidence when I don’t think I should have it, why not? Why shouldn’t I just have it?

D: Yeah!

B: Cause then what takes me down is I realize my clothes start getting tighter and then I’m like oh shit I'm’ not as fit or as cute as I thought and that sometimes is my downfall. Having this great perception of myself sometimes is my downfall because I continue living my life without fitness and things like that and I think I’m fine and I think I look great and but then but then isn’t that good or is it denial?

D: That is good, I think.

B: Right, where do you start caring about your fitness and about your health? It is just confusing.

D: Honestly I think we can just keep black holing into new things.

B: In the end though is it just “are you happy?”

D: Yeah in the end “are you happy?” Ok, you do you! Are you happy? I guess.

B: Health should matter too butttt…

D: Yeah I feel like health matters but it’s a very scientific health like people think oh you’re not healthy, but you could be and what if you just you know…

B: That’s your body type.

D: That’s your body type and you’re being healthy.

B: Yeah like I could never be a certain type you know.

D: Oh no. I’m never gonna be a size 0. There’s this one girl that I stalk all the time on Instagram and she just looks like amazing in everything and I’m very inspired by her and my clothing and my style is inspired by her but I’m not gonna be her I know I’m gonna do it my own way.

B: That’s the thing that’s difficult, we try to emulate the people that are out there when you have a different body type and you have to really find your style and I still don’t know my body type and what cuts are good for it.

D: Me either.

B: I have an idea, but definitely yeah like I’ll see an outfit…

D: And I think it will look good on me and then I put it on and I obviously don’t know what I look like.

[Laughter]

B: Maybe our thumbnail image should be that meme of what i think i look like and what i really look like.

D: O my God!

B: And it’s like a potato sack!

[Laughter]

D: I think that is on point. I think that that would be really funny.

B: Cool.

D: Yeah, so self image is a bitch.

B: And then how do you teach that to people too you know when we’re struggling with it ourselves? It’s hard to.

D: Yeah I just feel like you’re right it derives from confidence and just this idea of loving yourself and loving your body and who you are and you shouldn’t try to be all those sayings all those sayings you found on Myspace I stumbled upon a file of some…

B: MySpace???!!

[Laughter]

D: Yeah I stumbled upon this whole thing of these photos in my external hard drive and it kept all these sayings that I saved from Myspace.  Like those little photos, I guess they’re not memes but like sayings that are like glittery…

B: Just quotes?

D: Yes, and it’s like “be yourself” da da da da  which I guess is now like #MotiviationMondays for Instagram but I mean those are old they’re from Myspace so I guess there was no name for them at the time.


To be continued...